In case you werent one of the lucky 1 and a half dozen, Im talking about the 2010 Old Goats Lazer Blast Championships (not to be confused with last weeks 2010 Old Goats Erection Championships - in which Slapski reached the semi’s) <- that was his joke

After two sweaty twenty minute heats the victorious Steve ‘thats a gun in my pocket’ Smith is awarded a pistol packin Golden Goat for best overall Goat slaying with impressive 1st & 2nd places. We have tonight learned that Smiffy has been called up to serve in the Helmand Province, so with a bit of luck it should all be over by Tuesday. Thats cos he’ll have shot all his mates.

At the other end of the field, the cock flavoured lollypop awards go to the Dogger & Bonzo for being frankly shit with a weapon. We may collectively be vital to have around on a winter night ride by coordinating the sharing of the communal tweezers during the piss stops but bugger me you wouldnt want to be stationed in the trenches during a war with either one of us.

Massive thanks to the Nikster for arranging it all (and secretly fixing it with the owner to make sure that Rog & me ended up with the ‘runt of the litter’ and rather inappropriately named ‘Sniper’ gun).

A splendid time was had by all.

Anyway, as we’d buggered our chances of getting to SB on time but were all kitted up, we went for a bit of a spin on our own and ended up partaking in a rather splendid father & son bonding session. Instead of taking in a massive ride, we thought we’d find a few technical sections & brush up on our trail skills, as frankly neither of us has any. As it turned out what with the weather being top banana and all, we ended up putting in a few miles too. T’was a belting ride.

Heres a pic taken during a breather. But where was it taken?

Answers in the form of a tattoo along the length of the Ballbags right buttock please, so theres plenty of room for multiple entries. The winner will receive a complete LX cranset which can be collected from Douglas amenity site.

Disclaimer: The management at Goat Towers accept no responsibilty for the plain ugliness of some of the people in these pictures.

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Thats what everyone was sputtering out when they crossed the finishing line at todays Spring Classic. That and “Oh God Im dying” & “Excuse me, is this the queue for the defibrillator?”

Without doubt that was the best course Ive ever ridden over here. In fact I reckon it puts many UK ‘trail centres’ to shame. A proper mountain bikers course. Challenging climbs, very challenging climbs, get off and push climbs, ace flowing singletrack, proper technical wooded sections, rocky paths, berms, drop offs, bombholes, blimey even the sun came out and made it that bit extra special. Well attended too, and with Graham doing the timing you know its gonna be spot on. Plenty of marshalls to keep their eye on Sorby & tea & cakes at the end. Hey, it just dont get no better.

Im sure youll all join me in thanking Neil and his team for the sterling effort that they put in to marking out that belter. Bugger me, he’s only gone and earned himself a GG.

Now the bad news.

Reports have come in that the Old Goat of the Year 2009 - Nikki came a cropper in the Tholty section and a tree got the better of her head. She had to be taken back in an ambulance. More news when we get it. Im sure a BG will cheer her up no end though.

Thanks again to everyone involved in making today happen.

14 of us set off from Crosby F.C. with a belter of a route in mind. So to break us in gently we thought it would be a good idea to start up Kings Forest to get us nice & warm for Cronk Breck. It worked too, cos we were all sweating our nads off once we got to the top, but that didnt last long as the sun began to dip, so did the temperature. So we rode like the clappers to the Brandywell Road junction and set off up the E2E track next to Sartfell plantation, then cut into Hidden Valley in an arse about face stylee.

L-R: Southern Steve. Trubby. Sorby. Cakebelly. Sociable Saunders. Lucky Leeboy. Disaster Man. Lambster. Worzel. Molly. Awkright. Comedy Dave. Just out of shot: Bonzo (taking photo) & Maddog - who completely buggered off home as he was feeling poorly. Bless.

Sociable, Lamby, Leeboy, Comedy & H took the high road out and back over the E2E course as the ride was getting a bit tough and the rest of us hardy mountain bikers did the usual Thursday night thing and tried to get lost down a track that we’d never been down before, because there wasnt one there. We somehow eventually popped out at the bottom of Barregarrow and so took the road back up as far as the chapel, then hung a right and made it to the Glen Mooar turn off before Trubby was in trouble. His chain twisted around the entire drivetrain and looked terminal. Just has he started to call out his entire family of alchaholics for a lift, Bonzo got his ‘magic’ screwdriver out and fixed the bugger. Thats £20 you owe me Trubby, or else Ill take it out of your arse. Dont worry, its very quick and painless - right Molly?

Anyway, so after that we joined the track that eventually takes us up the Starvey and into St Johns, followed by an almighty thrash back to Crosby. I think its fair to say, we were all a little bollocksed by the end of it. Bollocksed but happy.

No sign of the Ballbag tonight. One can only sum up his total lack of commitment using the medium of photographic image.

This warm sunny spell looks set to continue. Bostin!